big intentions

found in My Documents (from 2/26/06)

there's a baby in the office

it weighs 13.5 lbs. you could ship it FedEx ground for $19.97.

When Reality Outdoes Imagination: Ob-Gyns

sometimes crappy jobs aren't entirely crappy. for example, i was a membership assistant for a national women's health organization in DC for a year. i filed shit, updated addresses, did mass mailings, got papercuts, etc. BUT! i got to browse the member database, and in my time there was able to put together a pretty great list of names of actual, practicing ob-gyns in the U.S. they are below:

• Dr. Finger, Ob-Gyn
• Dr. Weiner, Ob-Gyn
• Dr. Prober, Ob-Gyn
• Dr. Beavers, Ob-Gyn
• Dr. Peeper, Ob-Gyn
• Dr. Groening-Wang, Ob-Gyn
• Dr. Pap, Ob-Gyn
• Dr. Cucci, Ob-Gyn
• Dr. Hyman, Ob-Gyn
• Dr. Klitgaard, Ob-Gyn

i couldn't have made these up. reality wins.

(also when i worked at the movie theater i got free nachos so, you know. another example.)

stick a fork in me

'cause i'm a baked potato.

caution:

skinny kids taking advantage of chubby friends ahead

IMs with coworkers

[13:45] amberica200: are you there?
[13:50] amberica200: maybe you died
[13:51] amberica200: in which case i won't send you the 50 cases of kumquats i ordered
[13:52] amberica200: from a poor kumquat farmer, who gets 8 cents a day from farming kumquats 4am to 8pm, 365 days a year
[13:52] amberica200: his wife is pregnant with their 6th child
[13:53] amberica200: she spends 12 hours a day de-stemming the kumquats after her husband brings them in
[13:53] amberica200: it has destroyed her once-delicate fingers
[13:53] amberica200: but these are the things you do for your family
[13:53] amberica200: though you hardly see them anymore
[13:54] amberica200: sometimes she wonders if this is all life has to offer
[13:55] amberica200: and if so, sometimes she wishes she was in that bag of kittens her brother sent to the bottom of the river when she was just a child.
[13:56] amberica200: she had named one of the kittens -- little kumquat. funny now, in a way. but not the kind of funny that makes you laugh.
[13:59] amberica200: OH MAN
[13:59] amberica200: i totally thought i was chatting my friend just now
[13:59] amberica200: ignore that
[13:59] amberica200: HAHAHAHAHA

his name's probably doug

i like many, many dinosaurs. but i wouldn't even hang out with this guy if i saw him in real life. can't you just hear him now? "oh, hey guys. yeah, i dunno about this lake. it's kinda warm. hey did you guys bring the mayonnaise for the sandwiches? i can't eat a sandwich without mayonnaise. i think we should find a different lake."

i am going to spontaneously combust

in 5... 4... 3... 2...

psych! you can't count down spontaneity.

this is an email from my dad

Cookies‏
From: Lee Hollingsworth
Sent: Thu 6/11/09 6:21 AM
To: Ambo

I had to 'splain things to mom yesterday. She said she wasn't sure if she should buy cookie mix for cookies because they have sugar and fat in them.

I said they don't have sugar and fat----that's why they call them "cookies"! If they had sugar and fat, they would be called "Sugarfats". They obviously don't call them that so they don't have sugar OR fat in them!!

Boy---back to basics.

Further, Faster, Smarter
Lee E. Hollingsworth

oyster crackers