looking back, and then forward, and then to the side real quick because i thought i saw a bug

well, it's dec. 31. what better day to look back on the year behind you and forward to the year ahead? maybe jan. 1, but i would argue they're about equal.

anyway, this post might get a bit personal, so if you hate that kind of stuff, stop reading now. TRIGGER WARNING! SPOILER ALERT! CAUTION: SPLASH ZONE! THIS MACHINE DOES NOT ACCEPT BILLS OVER $1!

i have some stuff to be proud of in 2014. i:

• flossed almost daily
• joined and regularly went to the gym, like worked out in it and everything
• took improv classes
• traveled abroad by myself

i also decided to give up on resolutions i just don't care about, but felt like i "should" do. like my counselor once said, "stop shoulding on yourself!" therefore i will no longer try to:

• learn to cook and stop eating out so much

because eating out is amazing.

ok! that concludes the looking back part of this blog post. now to 2015.

there are definitely some things i need to do next year. i want to:

• pay off my credit card. i already did my budget for the year and i can totally do this.
• write on the internet several times a week. already started. going great.
• travel abroad by myself again (different direction).
• stop being so mean to my skin. i think the key to this one is to stay busy and address the reasons i do this bad habit, because i really only do it when i'm super bored or sad and then i'll just stand in front of the mirror forever finding every little imperfection in my skin and "fixing" it by, you know, making it 1,000 times worse. this has felt like a big part of my life since i was a teenager so i honestly can't picture changing it now, but hey, look at those other things i did that i had never done before! things are possible, i guess?
• continue to floss and go to the gym. (i just added this one so i could definitely cross one off next year.)

in conclusion, i'm a privileged white middle-class american.

HAPPY @)!%!!

my upstairs neighbor

my upstairs neighbor has a very active 3-4am routine and is, tragically, a minotaur. he must work the graveyard shift somewhere -- probably the graveyard, where no one can be put off by his big, powerful, hairy thighs, because they're all dead. 

he gets home around 3am and has to stomp off all the dirt and mud from his hooves, and this takes approximately an hour. sometimes it wakes me up, but instead of getting angry, i just remind myself how grateful i am to have regular human legs.

one night the minotaur had a friend over! this friend also did not have regular human legs, but instead -- and this is very sad -- lived in one of those large rubbermaid bins and got around by kind of hop-scooting everywhere. again, this was quite noisy for me, the downstairs neighbor, but truly i am just heartwarmed that in such an image-obsessed society, a minotaur and a bin person can find each other and be friends. this brings me joy.

still, i wonder, would he prefer a basement apartment? NOT SAYING WE SHOULD PUT ALL MINOTAURS IN THE BASEMENT. i would never say that. but what if there were just some incentives, like living in a little minotaur community, and maybe free dry cleaning for all their shirts? i don't know, i'm just an ideas person. and ideas people can live anywhere.

think a little deeper

the other day i was watching a movie and i thought "oh my god, this is so symbolism!" because it was about one thing, but deep down, under one to two layers, it was actually about something else.

so today i want to talk about movies. deep movies.

i think around the holidays it's so easy to just be like "i love this movie. this popcorn needs more butter!" without taking time to think about what it all really means. and then you go get more butter and miss out on the symbolism.

in case that's happened to you, here's a quick recap of movies i can think of that had other meanings and those meanings:

1. avatar - this movie was probably actually about when white adult men go to a forest and chop it all down and see like these huge blue bugs that they've never seen before, and they're like "EW! GROSS!" and kill them with just a ton of bug spray. moral of the movie: white guys really need to stop doing that, because those bugs are actually really intelligent -- almost like humans.

2. the hunger games - just like in real life, very ugly people rule the world. maybe if we find a very beautiful person to be in charge, there will be no more suffering. moral of the movie: i nominate daisy fuentes.

3. all the batmans - all you REALLY need in life is one butler friend and one cop friend ;)

can you think of a movie that had symbolism in it? share it in the comments below, making this an interactive blog.

also about food

have you ever tried breastfeeding?

i have. back when i was younger, like an infant. it was kind of my thing. i was what you call a monopalettarian -- i only liked one type of food.

but then i grew up, and now i have my very own apartment! 

so next time you see a baby, be like, "yeah!"

food and butts

sometimes when i'm alone and trying to do things i call myself little nicknames as encouragement. for example, just now when i wanted to take a bite of a raw sausage because i'm hungry and don't wait to wait til it's cooked, i said, "eat a carrot instead, ya dumb bitch!" and then i did!

one time one of my best friends said to me, "you know your blog is only about how gross food is and how stupid computers are, right? you know that." and that's when i knew i'd found my niche! though i'd say over the years i've introduced more butt stuff into the mix. jokes about farts and toilets and such.

but really what's happening right now is i need to blog more, so here i am, and expect just a bunch more posts like this until i get good at blogging again.

"thanks for your patients!" -evil doctor after burning down his nemesis doctor's medical practice building and sending an introductory letter to all of his patients (he says it from behind a bush so no one hears him)