sex appeal:

well, it's summertime

(ish). and i don't feel like blogging or tweeting or anything when it's nice out! see you guys again in the fall when i get seasonal affective disorder!

checking in

whenever i go somewhere cool i like to write it down in my notebook, and then show it to all my friends and see if they like it or want to comment on it.

guys

blogging is boring : /

short stories with amber - episode 1: "almost"

i bet you guys have been wondering where i am

i'm right here.

but the reason i haven't been blogging as much is because a) twitter is funner and b) i'm working really hard on my standup routine! that's right, i'm going to do it! i have my first gig all lined up... april 20... at the... EMPLOYEE TALENT SHOW!!

after all, i was voted Most Likely To Be The Funniest Girl At Her Future Place Of Employment (Category: Office Environment). just look at me now!

new tool

hey do you guys use Google Farts? it lets you track the number of farts you do daily, their length, intensity, etc., and tells you if you'll ever have a husband or not.

recap

so on the last episode of ANTM (america's next top model for those of you who are super out-of-touch) they did the makeovers which is awesome because they did the long red hair on one girl and short boy cut on another girl and blonde on other girl, and the old hairs had to go back home to places like the trailer park or other places models aren't, and their families welcomed them back but they could tell the hairs weren't quite the same, something had changed -- it was probably that they had been on tv a little bit (before the makeover episode) and it wasn't so much that they thought they were better than their old friends and family from home because they were on tv, it was that they could no longer be content with their old lives having been through this experience on the show what with tyra banks and all. so that was cool.

cha ching

people always ask me, "amber, how do you eat so much and stay so thin? what's your secret?" and i say "give me $5 and i'll tell you." then when i have their money, i whisper, "i have a crush on my boyfriend's brother." they're usually disappointed that i wasn't still talking about staying thin, but hey $5.

effective news headlines

• Mad Cow Hermaphrodite Fraud
• Exploding Child Abduction Shiv
• Celebrity Nuclear Pirate Collapse
  
• VIDEO: Poison Racist 100 Cats
• Earthquake Sex Scandal Riots
• Outbreak 'Shocked' at Mugshots

go on, give it a try!