wow thank you for keep reading!
listen, am i happy right now? absolutely. why? well 1.5 glasses of red wine in my fridge that hadn't gone sour yet, AND it's my last week of work at my job. boy i love [some parts of] my job, but it's just time to move along little dogies, so that's what i'm doing, and i'm real excited about this new job. i love new stuff!
speaking of i got a new car too, good job self.
**EXCERPT**
Rob Roccoli
**[when you say it out loud it sounds like "raw broccoli," unless you said it wrong.]**
here are some things i like about myself: i know things about myself and i'm ok with them. like, you can't be amazing at everything. i suck at some things, take it or leave it.
for example i'm a terrible cook and i don't care and i'm never going to learn. tonight i tried to make the last of my free blue apron meals that my sister gifted me, and i opened up the chicken for the chicken and potato stew, and it smelled like a hobo's armpit. like, i waited almost two weeks to make it and i guess i just thought chicken would last as long as i needed it to.
it doesn't. that's just the laws of chicken, my friend.
so i made a potato stew instead and guess what? it sucked, it was clearly missing a key ingredient. i don't care because you know, i'm VERY good at ordering food from restaurants. going to a restaurant but don't know what you want? don't worry, i do. you'll love it, i promise.
**EXCERPT**
listen, i know this isn't healthy. i've seen the nutrition information, it's shocking. and i know that someday i'll be wasting away in a hospital bed and i'll ask "doc, what is it?" and he or she will reply, "you know, normally we can't pinpoint specific causes -- there are always multiple factors at work -- but in YOUR case, we were actually able to trace your rapid and painful decline directly to the number of grilled stuft burritos you ate. otherwise you'd be in perfect health!"
i know this.
but sometimes, you have to make sacrifices for what you believe in. and i believe in burrito-related investigative journalism.**
**[this was part of a Taco Bells of Portland i never wrote]**
another thing i like: my body. i can count a dozen or more things 'wrong' with my physical appearance, but you know what? i don't care. again, take it or leave it. this thing works mostly really well, and it may look a little weird but i love it. if a genie came and said "i'll fix anything you want on your body" i'd be like nah that's alright, because what if even one little change made me a different person? right when i've gotten used to this one. and i don't know for sure yet, but i bet i'm still gonna love it when i'm all old and wrinkly and my bum hip don't work no-more, because of all the good times it gave me. good ol' thing.
**EXCERPT**
"If you ain't eatin honey, you ain't eatin, honey!"
HONEY. It may come from a bee's butt, but it tastes like it came from God's joyful tears (that He cried at the return of his only Son, who once had this to say about honey:
**[that's all there is on this page. i guess i never finished my commercial for honey.]**
anyway the only thing i truly want in life is cate blanchett's red carpet wardrobe.
thanks for reading my blog, goodnight!
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